Chapter Five
Oklahoma Territory, late May, 1883
Hallie bit back tears of frustration. She wasn’t pregnant yet. And she couldn’t fake it. She had done everything she knew to get pregnant; special teas, seducing Ben at all hours of the day-nothing had worked.
A horrible thought occurred to her. What if she couldn’t get pregnant? Without that leverage, Ben might get tired of her. And if he turned her out, she had no where to go. She had to get pregnant, and fast.
***
Lillian opened her eyes slowly, wondering why the room was spinning. Attempting to sit up, she fell back down onto the bed, and Brian stirred.
“Lil?” he asked sleepily.
“I don’t feel so good,” she murmured. Her stomach began to roll and she barely made it up to the basin.
Brian moved quickly, standing behind her as he held her long hair back. He had grabbed a bucket for her as well, and she clung to it, heaving for air as the vomiting subsided.
Kneeling next to her, Brian stroked her hair and comforted her as she tried not to cry. He moved the buckets away once it was clear the moment had passed.
Lillian rose to her feet shakily, leaning on Brian.
“What other symptoms are you experiencing?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I was fine last night. I’ve been tired for a few days, that’s all.”
Brian looked thoughtful. “Let’s get you cleaned up; I want to examine you.”
A few moments and questions later, Brian was beaming.
“I think you’re with child,” he said quietly.
Her eyes widened. She had stopped drinking the prohibitive teas a while back, once she was sure she wasn’t pregnant by any of her johnnies.
“Really?” she whispered. “It would be yours, right?”
He nodded. “Too much time has passed to anyone but.”
Lillian broke into a smile and threw her arms around Brian.
***
The humidity was in full force with the month of June. While the prairie bloomed, the town of Sleepyside expanded.
Word of Jim and Adelia’s engagement spread quickly. Their friends were excited, and Adelia was happy she had been accepted into the fold. Bobby Belden liked to tease Clara, until he realized Terry Lynch liked her, and then it became a friendly competition for her attention, with William and Larry Lynch egging them on.
Katje Frayne was delighted to hear of the engagement, and quickly insisted that Adelia and Clara move into the house with them and out of the hotel. Adelia protested but Katje was backed up by her son and husband. Discreetly, Katje began to fill the girls closets with newer clothes, and toiletry items. They shared a room for now, but Clara would have the room to herself once the wedding took place.
Win wanted to build a second cottage, on the opposite side of the lake from Dan and Trixie, for Jim and Adelia. It would keep them close by, and give them some privacy.
***
“Marge?” Ayla said her name quietly. Marge looked up from her household balance sheets.
“Yes, dear?”
“Do you have a moment?”
“Of course. Come in.” Marge invited her. “Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, thank you.” Ayla sank into the chair.
“You look worried.” Marge said, putting down her pen and reaching for her teapot.
“I don’t know what to do about Bill,” Ayla blurted out.
Marge nodded. “I suspected as much.” She didn’t know what to do about Augustus.
“He’s out with Matt, you know,” Ayla began. “And I thought…I thought maybe being away from him would help but…I’m as confused as ever!”
“How did you two get to know each other when you were younger?” she asked.
Ayla thought for a moment. “We worked together. He would be setting up my tent, or the nets. I would tease him about his hair, because we had no other redheads in the circus. One night…my father had been yelling and I left our trailer. I came across him, on the outskirts of the circus. He was brooding, as he likes to do. He saw me before I could leave and asked me if I was okay.” She sighed. “I just started crying. Poor Bill, he didn’t know what to do. It all kind of spilled out of me, and after that…well…I knew I could go to him whenever I needed quiet or someone to talk to. He didn’t blab to the rest of the circus. I could trust him.”
“Do you think you can’t now?” Marge asked.
“What? Oh, no, of course I can trust him!”
“Then what’s your real worry?” Marge asked gently.
Ayla bit her lip. “What if it’s not real anymore? What if we try again and find out we’ve completely changed? William adores Bill, I couldn’t take him and leave.”
“Do you really believe that’s the case?”
Ayla sighed. “I don’t know! I just don’t know what to do.”
Marge touched her hand lightly. “Bill is a good man, Ayla. I’ve gotten to know him pretty well over the years, and I know he would be as devoted as any one person could be. I can see the way he looks at you.”
“My marriage with Thom wasn’t exactly the model of a blushing bride and groom,” Ayla sighed. “It was a marriage arranged by my father to save face. Thom was a good provider, but to say there was no passion would be an understatement. I cared for him, but I never loved him.”
“I noticed you removed your wedding ring,” Marge said.
Ayla nodded. “Not too long after Thom passed” Suddenly she looked down. “I never cried for him, Marge. Not once. What kind of a person does that make me?”
“One who was oppressed for a long time,” Marge said firmly. “Ayla, you’re not a bad person. You made the best of a less than ideal situation, but just because you didn’t cry for him, doesn’t mean you didn’t care.”
“I feel awful about it,” Ayla whispered.
“You shouldn’t.” Marge squeezed her hand. “Your life with Thom was merely an existence. Now it’s time for you to live.”
“With Bill?” Ayla asked.
“That’s up to you, dear. But if it were me, I’d throw caution to the wind and be with the man I loved, while I still could.”
Ayla studied Marge for a moment, wondering what Marge wasn’t saying.
“Thank you, Marge.” Ayla wiped her eyes.
“Anytime,” Marge smiled at her.
After Ayla had gone, Marge sipped her tea. Did she dare give Augustus a second chance? The circumstances were completely different, she thought. Regan hadn’t been fooling around with another woman; they were forcibly separated by a third party.
Marge rose and walked to the window. She didn’t know how she could forgive him. Twenty some odd years later…had he lost his mind?
He did come running to you the moment he was free, a little voice said. He looked for you.
Marge’s light blue eyes stared out at the garden and its warm glow from the setting sun. Why did he have to come back into her life? She wondered. She was content here, even if Madeleine was grown.
It was romantic for Regan to find Ayla after all these years, she thought. They were still young, able to have a family. She was too old for this sort of thing. She was settled. Set in her ways. Had made her peace years ago that she’d never see him again. She had moved on with her life. Now he was back.
And she wasn’t sure she still loved him. So much had changed over the years.
***
The Beldens had been delighted to learn Lillian was expecting, and Trixie felt an enormous sense of relief that the first grandchild was taken care of. She was hoping that wouldn’t happen for them for a while, she was enjoying being alone with Dan and learning to manage her household. She especially enjoyed her time alone with Dan.
The flowers along the creek bank were in full bloom and the large tree that shaded the house was growing its leaves in.
Hallie was furious when she heard Brian and Lillian were going to have a baby.
“That whore!” she hissed to herself. “It probably isn’t even his. Why should she get a baby?”
She kicked the bed. She would get pregnant this month. She was determined to. No matter what it took.
***
Jasper lay wide awake, staring at the moon through the curtains.
He was so happy they hadn’t returned to the circus. He missed it, sure, but being here with Madeleine…it was a thousand times better.
Jasper knew he wanted to marry her. The problem was her mother. Madeleine tried to hide it, but it was becoming more apparent that Grace Wheeler did not approve of him. He was quite sure he wasn’t being told everything.
He wasn’t surprised. Even now, some of the townspeople stared at him suspiciously. He worked delivery for Lytell, the shopkeeper, but he knew his Indian heritage bothered a lot of people. And Grace Wheeler was apparently the kind of woman who cared a great deal about what other people thought.
Matthew Wheeler was a good man though. When Jasper wasn’t running delivery for Lytell, he was helping out on the estate, clearing brush, helping Regan with the horses; whatever was needed on the estate. He was determined to help out, as Matthew wouldn’t take any money from him or Ayla. So he kept himself busy and useful. He was pleased to realize he had been filling out in the chest with all the heavy lifting.
Matthew didn’t seem to have a problem with his heritage, but from what Jasper understood, Matthew was a self-made man. Enterprising business ideas, smarts and some luck had helped him grow a fortune from rather meager beginnings. Marrying Grace Hart hadn’t hurt, but Jasper had never picked up on any feelings of affection for Grace from her husband or daughter. She was always referred to in a rather formal manner.
Jasper rolled onto his side, tucking the pillow under his face. Matthew had given permission for formal courting. Did Grace know? He suspected not. And if she protested, as Jasper expected she would, would Matthew go against her wishes?
Jasper had no idea who his father was. He could have been a chief, he could have an outcast. He had no way of knowing, his mother was long dead, and if his uncle knew, Thom never told him. Thom wasn’t a man to write things down, and he had asked Ayla once if Thom left any journals. Surprised by the request, she said no. Even if Jasper’s father was a great chief, he doubted it would matter to a woman like Grace Wheeler.
There really wasn’t much of a way to find out who his father was, he sighed to himself, but unless he had a lot of money behind it, Grace wouldn’t accept him.
Jasper wondered if there was any way he could charm Mrs. Wheeler. Usually he didn’t have a problem charming them; once they got past his skin color. He was polite, flattering without being obvious, and women were often drawn to him. But Madeleine described her mother as “icy”, and Jasper wasn’t sure he could melt her exterior.
Trying to push the thoughts from his mind for the night, Jasper closed his eyes and willed sleep to come.
 
***
Author’s Notes
- A huge thank you to Julie, my editor! As always, she did a marvelous job editing, and to Lindsay, who helped name it.
- Word Count, 1,995
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