Chapter Forty Nine
Brian set the clean sheets on his daughter’s bed. He had been restless all day and had been hoping to spend some time with her. But she was out with the girls. He was glad, that her cousins had so easily accepted her into the fold, and went out of their way to include her in movies, shopping trips, and sleepovers. Natala still wouldn’t talk about her past with him, but she had definitely seemed…lighter, since she started therapy, and her cheeks turned pink whenever he mentioned Dean. He would do anything to keep that haunted look off of her and see her smile. It was so much like her mother’s, it made his heart ache.
Because of their friendship, he wasn’t seeing Dr. Wilman as a therapist, but she had recommended a colleague he liked well enough to talk about his anger with. He needed some kind of outlet. Jim offered him the school’s gym, where he could take out his anger on a punching bag, but Brian found it easier and more helpful to talk it out, or rather, yell at someone. And his anger with Natala’s mother for running away and consigning Nat to the nightmare life she had had made him want to strangle someone.
Turning to leave, he glanced down and saw the candy bar poking out from under the bed. With a smile, he knelt to pick it up. Mart had forever been stashing candy bars under the bed when they were younger, and Brian had often found discarded wrappers under his own bed.
His fingers reached to pick it up when he noticed the other one. A wave of dread came over him. Kneeling down, he stared in shock under the bed.
Cookies, chip bags, unopened cans of soda were crammed under the bed. And not haphazardly. They were all categorized, neatly lined up. And a large, duffel bag full of food sat next to them.
Supplies. Was she thinking of running away? Was this her food stash?
He sat back and took a deep breath. Dr. Wilman had told him frankly that she had abandonment and trust issues, which he had already figured out. He had often caught Natala looking over her shoulder in public, or staring at certain men, usually poorly dressed and somewhat sinister or creepy looking. He had figured she was running from something or someone, was this her emergency plan? A way to run if someone came looking for her?
He knew if he pushed, Natala would shut down, and the last thing he wanted was for his skittish daughter to feel trapped. She had been a victim most of her life, he could read it in her eyes, and he figured out pretty quickly why she kept her closet door open and crammed full of boxes, even though they were empty. It didn’t take a genius to determine she had been punished by being locked in a closet or some other dark, small room.
Brian let out a slow breath. He wasn’t going to say anything to Natala about this. She had said this was the first time she had had her own room and he didn’t want to make her feel he didn’t trust her, or worse, that he invaded her privacy.
Sliding the candy bar under the bed, he rose, and left the room, shutting the door behind him. He would let Dr. Wilman know about it, though.
***
Aralyn paused, wiping the sweat from her forehead with her arm.
US Marshal Jane Whitfield studied her. “How you feeling?”
“Better,” Aralyn admitted. “I prefer this to talking to a head shrinker, actually.”
Jane smiled. “It can be just as beneficial. Ready for another round?”
Aralyn nodded, and set her stance before she started swinging at the punching bag again.
Bo had brought her to the gym on a Saturday morning several weeks before, where Jane was waiting. Aralyn had met her a few times over the years. Jane was around sixty years old, stood just over six feet, had short, spikey black hair and was solid muscle. In her tank top, Aralyn could see an impressive array of tattoos not normally visible through her professional clothing. She was one of the fitness and defense instructors, and a longtime friend of the Dukes and Dan. Bo could see the memories from Texas were eating at his baby girl, and talking it out with the psychologist wasn’t very effective so far.
Jane held the bag steady for her, not talking, and just letting the girl whale on an inanimate object for as long as she could. She had known the Dukes for years, and when she overheard Bo and Luke talking about Aralyn, had offered to help. She had spent years in self defense and martial arts, and knew how gratifying it could be to have a physical outlet for her frustration where no one got hurt.
Saturday mornings were mostly women in this part of the gym, and not that many. Which was good. Aralyn wanted privacy.
She focused on the bag says she swung, seeing Billy Lee’s face. She heard herself telling him to stand down, to back off, warning him. Aralyn’s vision clouded as the anger built inside of her and she swung harder, pummeling the bag, imagining his face, unaware of the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Finally, a sob caught in her chest and she had to stop. She leaned against the bag and let the tears come. With her head down, she didn’t notice Jane motion to the two other women to leave. Jane didn’t hug Aralyn, but she waited until the girl’s tears had subsided, and Aralyn looked up at her. Jane gave her a sympathetic smile.
“Better?”
Aralyn nodded tiredly. “Yeah. Yeah, I do feel better.”
“Sometimes you just need to beat the crap out of something to break through the wall,” Jane said cheerfully. “But you are going to be sore as hell tomorrow.”
Aralyn laughed. “That’s okay. I feel…almost strong.”
“You are strong, Aralyn,” Jane told her. “This is just a bump in the road to get past.”
“See you later this week?” Aralyn asked, with a half smile.
“You got it. I’m here most afternoons.”
For the first time in weeks, Aralyn flashed her smile.
***
“You look like you have something on your mind today.” Dr. Wilman settled into her chair.
“The guy I mentioned before…he’s interesting,” Natala admitted.
“Interesting as in attractive?”
“Yes. Very.”
“You don’t seem too happy about it.”
Natala laughed. “It’s…interesting. I keep saying that word but I don’t know how else to describe it. He’s a really good man. His aura almost blinded me; it’s not unlike Aralyn’s, before the attack. Very intense gold, with a bit of orange and sometimes a little red. He’s quite handsome…talkative. Very cheerful and friendly. In fact, he’s a friend of Aralyn’s.”
“Old boyfriend?”
“No, but his best friend and roommate is Aralyn’s ex-boyfriend.”
“So let’s talk about the new man. I like the way you lit up when you mentioned him.”
“His name is Dean. He’s very…insightful. He was able to study me for a few moments and …almost dissect me? He was quite easily able to explain who and what I was about.”
“Did that surprise you?”
“Very much so. It was a little unsettling. He’s always smiling and laughing, and I’m pretty sure he has no trouble scoring with women. But he’s more observant than he lets on; he proved that easily enough when he analyzed me. He’s smart too. And passionate. And talented. He’s studying photojournalism and he takes some beautiful pictures. He wants to take pictures of me, actually.” Natala blushed.
“Are you okay with that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen any pictures he did of other women, and I don’t think it’s a lure, and he said with clothes on, as if he was worried I’d think him a pervert. He said I have a beautiful face with an ethereal look that he wanted to see if film could capture.”
“And your BS meter didn’t go off?”
“No, not at all. He seemed very genuine. We’ve been out a several times, and he’s been a perfect gentleman. He’s only kissed me once, and I think he realized it scared me. I think he knows I’m a Survivor, and he’s very careful about touching me. He’ll hold my hand or hug me but that’s it. I can see he wants more but…he knows he can’t rush me. This is all so…new and…unusual.”
“Do you think he’s someone you can trust?”
“Surprisingly enough…I do. It’s his aura. It’s gold, you can’t get much more trustworthy than that. And yet…”
“It’s still hard to?”
“Yeah. He’s a man. Eventually he’s going to want sex. And I’m just not ready to deal with that. I don’t know how long he’ll be patient. I know he’s persistent, he asked Tiffany out about a thousand times in high school.”
“He sounds like a determined and patient young man. Do you think so?”
“I do. The problem is I don’t want him to know all of the horrible stuff I’ve done and been through. He’s very empathic, I think, and I don’t want it to disgust him so that he leaves. If he knew how damaged I was…I think he’d be repulsed and just want nothing to do with me.”
“Even though he has this amazing aura, you think he’d leave you?”
“Who wants damaged goods? Dean is so good...he deserves better.”
“Eventually you’ll come to realize you aren’t damaged goods, Natala. Your background is one of horror, but you are a Survivor. Nothing less than an extremely capable and powerful woman could have survived what you did.”
”But it was such a brutal life…He has a very gentle soul, despite his…cheerful and carefree attitude, and I think he’s too good.”
“Too good for you?”
“Too good for my life. At least, my old one.”
“But this is your new life. This is where you get to write your own path, and your own destiny. This is where you take charge, and be who you want to be. You can take who you want on the ride. And if you like this Dean, and he’s such a good person, he’s likely to be willing to take the ride with you.”
“He’s kind of like the Dukes, in fact he’s known them forever and he’s Cam’s – Aralyn ex-boyfriend if you forgot, but I don’t think, no, I know, he doesn’t know just how awful it is out there. I mean, I know he knows, but not really knows. If that makes sense. ”
“It does. Many people are aware on some level of the horrors that are out there, but unless they’ve experienced it, it’s hard for them to wrap their heads around it.”
Natala nodded.
“He makes you smile. Do you want to keep seeing him?”
“Yeah, I really do. He seems to be interested in me too, at least for now.”
“You think he’ll lose interest?”
“He might. Don’t guys usually lose interest when a girl doesn’t sleep with him?”
“Depends on the guy. If he has this wonderful aura that you say he has, then probably not. Have you asked your family about him?”
“Yes. Aralyn said he used to follow Tiffany around in school like a lost puppy dog, but they had no chemistry. Tiffany says he talks too much but they agree he’s a really nice guy who can be counted on. He was my cousin Tim’s best friend when they were kids, and they’re still friends. Tim said Dean would treat me right if for no other reason, he knows Tim would come back from Annapolis and kick his ass.”
“Somehow I don’t think he’s going to turn into a typical guy and run off if you don’t sleep with him. If your family likes him that much, I think he’s probably a stand up young man who is very interested in you.”
“He calls me Gypsy.”
“Does that bother you?”
“No. If it was anyone else, it might, because usually we hear that term with a lot of scorn and hate. But him…he says it in this affectionate tone and I can’t help but smile.”
“Then I think you should continue seeing him. I think he could very helpful to you. Plus it gives you a link outside of your family, to other people. I think that’s important and we’re reaching a stage where I think it will do you good to start to make some social contacts.”
“He knows I can’t read,” she blurted out. “Or rather, that I’m learning and dyslexic. It doesn’t bother him.”
“Were you expecting it to?”
“It’s embarrassing. But his sister is dyslexic, so he’s familiar with it. And no…somehow I don’t think he’d care, even if he hadn’t experienced it with his sister.”
“I really think this young man is going to be a good influence in your life.”
“I sure hope so.”
*
“How are you doing with Tiffany and Aralyn?”
“Better, now that they’ve been back awhile. Aralyn is still pretty scarred, which I’m sure you know, since she’s sitting outside in the waiting room for her appointment. I know she still has nightmares, and probably will for a while. She doesn’t talk as much as she used to, and sometimes Tiffany or I find her sitting very still, just staring at the wall or out a window. The dog they brought back sleeps with her at night.
“Her aura isn’t the same. It’s dimmed. It’s still gold, but it used to glow to the point of blinding and now it’s very, very pale and small. Her whole soul is hurting and damaged, and it hurts me to look at her sometimes. I can feel the anger in her, and it’s deep.
“There’s a…war inside of her. Sometimes she projects a lot of frustration and anger, she’s been going to the gym with Bo. He set her up with another Marshal, one of the fitness trainers and she works with her several times a week. I think it helps. She’s always a lot calmer after those sessions. She says she just hits the punching bag a lot, but it does seem to help. But there’s something else…”
“Wrong with Aralyn?” Dr. Wilman asked.
“It’s not wrong, really, it’s just a feeling that something…is off. It’s hard to put into words, but I get the sense she feels caged. And when people like Aralyn feel caged, they try to break out.”
“Do you think she’s a danger to herself or someone in the family?”
“No. It’s not violent like that…it’s just…a trapped feeling. But she’s better after these workout sessions. She seems more settled.
“Cam has been around a little bit, and I think they’ll get back together eventually, I really do. He’s such a good guy, and I know he’d help heal her. She’s been very reclusive though. Dean and I have asked her to join us numerous times, but she always says no. I think she’s afraid of running into Cam. She’s got some silly notion in her head that they don’t belong together, but I promise you, they do.”
“And you think these workout sessions are helping her?”
“I do,” Natala said thoughtfully. “We need our Aralyn back. She was always the leader of the cousins, and everyone is walking on eggshells around her. It’s hard to see her like this.”
“Have you been seeing Dean a lot?”
Natala blushed.
“Yes. Every few days for the last few weeks. He’s really nice, and so easy to be around. He’s really fun, and takes me to fun museums, and parks. I’ve never actually dated someone before, so I keep asking the cousins for advice. Tiffany says her one relationship was a complete disaster so she won’t give me advice but Aralyn and the others do.”
“How’s Tiffany since they got back?”
“She’s okay, I think. She carries some guilt for Aralyn shooting that man. She, Tiffany, that is, hopes in a few months we can get an apartment together, but I don’t know if Aralyn will be ready for that. I think I’d like it though. I’ve got some money coming in, since I’m modeling for Daisy, with Rayma. Brian gives me money all the time but I feel guilty about taking it. I…I end up hoarding it,” she whispered. “Stashed in an envelope under the mattress.”
“Are you afraid you’ll have to leave in a hurry?” Here was the opening Dr. Wilman needed.
Natala nodded. “Yes. I keep thinking he’ll pop up…and I’ll have to flee. Brian set up a bank account for me but I…I feel like I need to keep the cash handy. Just in case.”
“Food too?” Dr. Wilman probed.
Natala swallowed. “Yes. Most individually wrapped stuff, easy to pack in a hurry. I can’t help it. I wake up in the night, hungry, and I can’t bring myself to go downstairs and get something from the kitchen, even though I know Brian does. So I’ll binge on chips under the bed.” She covered her face. “I think about all those nights I was starving, and I just…I have to keep a stash.”
“I don’t want to feel like this!” she cried. “I don’t! I want to be normal! I want to have a normal life, and not have to worry about losing my family, or the uncles coming after me. I want to learn to drive, and enjoy dating, and sex, and be the girl my cousins think I am. They think I’m this really cool, mysterious cousin but they have no idea what I’d give to have any one of their lives. Even Hallie as a mother would have been better than what I went through.”
“The feeling will pass, Natala, but you have twenty years you’re trying to undo in a few months. It’s not realistic. You’ve made great progress but there’re still a lot of hurdles. Lots of them. We’ll get over them one a time, together.” Impulsively, Dr. Wilman reached over and covered Natala’s slender hand with hers.
***
Aralyn strolled out of the gym and slipped on her backpack contained her other clothes. Straddling it, she sighed as she looked around. The sessions with Jane were helping. Rage fueled her as she whaled at the punching bag. She always felt stronger afterwards, more in control of herself and emotions.
But she was restless. After weeks of hiding in her room she had finally started coming out. Spending most of her time in the backyard with Dixie, or taking long rides on her bike. She missed being out on the road, being free. Free to come and go as she pleased, just her and Tiffany, roaming the country. She felt her body grow hot as she thought about Jax Teller. He was currently doing time in a California state prison, and had a year left on his sentence. It felt like another lifetime that she had spent that wild night with him.
The family was smothering her. She loved them dearly, but they were trying so hard to help her that really, they were just driving her crazy. Even the backyard was getting too crowded.
Slipping her helmet on, Aralyn started the motorcycle and pulled up to the exit of the parking lot. Instead of turning her right signal on to head for home, she impulsively turned on the left.
“It’s my life, it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever. I just wanna live while I’m alive…” Bon Jovi blared through the speakers in her helmet as she headed for the highway.
The open road was waiting.
Meet the cast in full & see the family tree!
Author’s Notes
- A huge yee-haa to the fabulous and lovely Ronda, for editing this and her suggestions which made it much better!
- Fear not dear readers, Aralyn is fine and will continue to be so. We'll check in with her shortly.
- Word Count, 3,396
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