Dateless Dan

Valentine’s Day. What a crock, Dan Mangan thought as he channel flipped. Sprawled out on the worn out sofa, he was hoping for something entertaining. Commercials weren’t it.

“Show her how much you love her!” the announcer crooned. Mere days after the Christmas’ deep discounts, up to 85 percent off!” commercials came the sappy, glittery jewelry commercials every commercial break. Stunning bracelets, gorgeous, ornate necklaces. Another channel was playing up the ‘past, present and future’ theme that had become so popular the last couple years.

Being roommates with his best friend, Mart, didn’t help. Mart had been planning a special night for Di, taking extra shifts waiting tables to buy her candy and presents.

“Dude, you’re always buying her stuff,” Dan pointed out. “And you’re always telling her you love her. So why go to the trouble and expense of buying into the manufactured romance crap?”

Mart sighed. “It makes her happy. Women like that stuff, it makes them feel special. I read it in some relationship book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', I think.”

“You read that crap?” Dan took a sip of his beer.

“Someone gave it to Dad. He glanced through it and was going to throw it out. Of course I couldn’t bear to see a book wasted, so I took it. He told me it’s total crap and he and Moms had done just fine without the guy’s advice. Besides, the author is on his second marriage.”

“You start leaving relationship books around here, and I’m going to seriously worry about you dude.” Dan glanced down at his sociology book.

“Wait.” Mart looked up from his homework. “Where’s all this coming from? Are you implying that Dan the Ladies Man doesn’t have a date and you’re feeling a bit bitter?”

Dan snorted. “Please. I’m just debating which one to take.” He smirked, feeling a tad guilty at the lie.

For the first time in years, he didn’t have a date. And it wasn’t really bothering him. Valentine’s Day was a nice dinner out, a few sweet words and sex by eleven o’clock. Simple enough. But he could have that any night.

Yet the last few weeks had put him into the doldrums. He had been spared the Christmas sappiness, joining his Uncle Bill Regan for a dinner of pizza and beer and wrestling, after the big Bob-White family party at Crabapple Farm. There was the usual laughing and teasing over the scrapbooks, Christmas carols and plenty of hot cider. The families and couples all eventually splintered off and the two bachelors headed to Regan’s apartment.

Dan had had enough of seeing Trixie’s pretty face all lit up like it did whenever Jim was near, and the red-haired man tugging on her curls. Or Honey and Brian with that quiet, deep bond they shared. Then there was Mart and Di, cooing at each other and calling each other stupid names like ‘snuggles’. Sometimes it really sucked being the seventh wheel.

“Oh hey, this was under the door,” Mart got up and grabbed a pink envelope from the counter. A feminine hand had written ‘Dan’ on it.

“Pink? Someone gave me a pink card?” He opened it with a cringe.

“Who’s it from? That blonde in Western Civ?”

“Just says your secret admirer.” Dan shrugged, stuffing it back into its envelope and tossing it to the side

“Someone’s got a crush on Danny.” Mart stopped his singsong voice as his friend gave him a dirty look.

***

“That’s real romantic, Honey,” Trixie laughed as she gave her curls a final run through, studying her reflection. The spaghetti strapped blue dress was cut just low enough that Jim would be distracted most of the night, until he could get it off her.

“Well, Brian couldn’t get the night off, so I gave my other favorite boy a call.”

“Better you than me. You know he loves the attention. Remember when he made you that big valentine in third grade?”

“Yes,” Honey laughed. “I remember that giant red heart that he had taped two pieces of construction paper together and glued paper doilies and pink cotton balls all over it! And the glitter. Oh God, I was finding glitter in the carpet for months afterward.”

“Well, at least you don’t have to read him Peter Rabbit all the time any more.” Trixie touched up her lipstick. In her jewelry box she found her old silver ID bracelet. She smiled fondly as she remembered when Jim gave it to her on the plane a number of years ago, and the way it made her heart sing.

“Besides, your mom said he’s been really sick for a couple days, but she doesn’t want to leave him home alone. This way she and your dad can have a nice evening out.”

“Hope he doesn’t vomit on you.” Trixie fluffed her hair one more time. “When Bobby gets a stomach virus, it’s non stop.”

“I’ll survive,” Honey said dryly. “I am engaged to a doctor you know.”

“You’re such a saint.” Trixie gave her friend a quick hug.

***

Dan loosened his collar as he slipped into the library. It was almost deserted, except for a few nerds intent on spending the night reading.

Kinda like me, he sighed, as he browed the true crime section. Selecting one he hadn’t read, he hesitated when he got to his favorite reading spot. A girl was there, curled up in one of the chairs, shoes off, backpack on the floor, legs tucked up under her as she was immersed in the gang history book.

“Don’t just stand there, sit down somewhere,” she said irritably, never taking her eyes off the page she was reading.

“Didn’t want to disturb you,” he said, somewhat crossly, noting the light brown hair that was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. Horn rimmed glasses with a slight tint blocked her eyes, and her green sweater was too big for her. Not a fashion slave, that’s for sure, he thought. He liked his women to at least look like they cared a little bit about appearance. Like, combing the hair. Not that he had plans for this woman, or saw her as his next conquest.

“Don’t worry about it. Only the rejects are here tonight.” She glanced up and studied him for all of five seconds. “And those pretending to have dates.”

Dan glared at her, tossing his suit jacket to the side. He had gone through the charade of putting it on, combing his hair neatly, letting Mart think he had lined up a date with one of the women from his little black book.

“I’m not hiding.”

A pair of sharp eyes flicked over him and then returned to her book.

“You’re dressed up for a date, yet you’re in the library with the nerds and losers. Either you got ditched, but I doubt that, you look more like a ditcher, than a ditchee, or you pretended to have a date for someone’s benefit, but are hiding out here until it’s safe to go home,” she answered.

“You’ve sure got all the answers,” he snapped, dropping into his chosen chair. She was in his favorite one.

Removing the glasses, she rubbed her eyes and when she looked up at him, he was surprised to see they were a clear, sharp green. She is kind of pretty, he thought, pale, but a nicely shaped mouth.

“Men like you don’t spend Valentine’s Day night alone in the library,” she answered.

“And why are you here?” he asked abruptly. “And what the hell do you mean, ‘men like me’?”

“Because I have the luxury of being terminally single, and don’t have to worry about dressing up to impress anyone. That, and I have three roommates all planning big romantic evenings. It really made me quite ill, so I left for some peace and quiet. And by men like you, I mean men used to women falling over their feet to go out with you, that tend to have a little book of phone numbers, expecting a girl to drop her plans for you,” she almost sneered the last few words.

“That’s not true,” he snapped. Guilt washed over him. It really was. Then he sighed. “My roommate thinks I have a date.”

“Why do you care what your roommate thinks?” she asked.

“Well, I’m kind of expected to uh-“ he hesitated.

“Be out screwing everything in a skirt?” she asked bluntly.

Dan flushed red with irritation.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“I would. You’ve got the bad boy look going and I bet you use it to your advantage,” she said coolly.

“Women like me, ok? It’s a gift. And what the hell business is it of yours?”

“None. You interrupted my reading.”

“Well, don’t let me interrupt you anymore,” he snapped, opening his book.

But he found his eyes drifting back to her.

“What are you reading?” he finally asked.

“'Mob Hits’. My favorite chapter is The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.”

Dan raised one eyebrow.

“Al Capone and Bugs Moran,” he said approvingly. “Nice bloody read.”

“I like it. I make it a point to read it every year on Valentine’s Day.”

“I’m an Ann Coulter fan myself.” He held up his book but she didn’t look up.

“She looks like that Meredith woman on that morning show, the one with the annoying women and Barbara Walters.”

Dan chuckled. Maybe he’d have a decent night after all.

“Capone screwed up.” She sighed. “He just had to prove what a man he was.”

“I don’t think he screwed up. I think it’s kind of a shame he missed Moran though. If he had taken him, he would have been able to move in on Moran’s territory, and expand his,” Dan argued.

His book lay next to him forgotten as they began to debate the finer points of the famous bloody mob hit.

***

Honey bit her lip, but couldn’t stop the giggles.

“It’s wonderful Bobby, just what I wanted,” she laughed, hugging him.

“Well, I know Brian got you chocolate, and well, I wanted something different.” He glanced shyly at the pretty young woman he had known and adored since he was a chubby little boy. “And I know they’re your favorite vegetable.”

“It’s perfectly perfect, and high in vitamin A,” she declared, her hazel eyes twinkling as she rummaged through the satin, heart shaped box. Selecting a baby carrot, she grinned at Bobby as she popped in her mouth.

“Mart said it was dumb idea, but . . .”

“Mart is silly.” She hugged the thirteen year old. “I have carrots, and my favorite blond boy. Now, you ready to watch Batman Begins?” she asked.

***

Brian rubbed his eyes as he laid down on the cot for just a few minutes. Curling his arm up under the pillow, he realized there was a magazine there. Pulling it out, he shook his head in disgust. A Playboy magazine had been left open on the centerfold. Brian tossed it in the trash can and laid back down, closing his eyes, praying for ten minutes of sleep.

***

Dan stood and stretched, hoping she was noticing his well toned body. He was very proud of the muscles he had developed chopping wood, and worked to keep his body in good condition.

“Hey, let’s get outta here,” he said, his dark eyes twinkling. “We can sneak into the Cameo, I know a secret way up to the balcony.”

“And watch some sappy chick flick where a couple meets and falls in love? Hell no. I’ll stick to the Massacre.”

“Aw, come on. The balcony is really neat. It’s real dark, and it’s perfect to throw peanuts at people down below.”

“Yeah and plenty of dark corners to make out in. No thanks.” She was packing up her books and reaching for her jacket.

“Well, sure that’s a bonus.” He gave her his sexy grin, but the green eyes that stared at him were like ice blocks.

“You just don’t learn, Daniel Mangan,” she snapped. Slinging her backpack over her shoulder she shook her head and he could hear the disgust in her words. “You can’t even sit and have a conversation with a girl without thinking about how to get laid by her! You have no concept on how to appreciate a woman without sex getting involved!" The short girl's finger jabbed at his chest. "In a few years, the real thing will smack you on your ass and you’re not going to know what hit you. And I hope I get to see it!”

Leaving him gaping, she stormed off, and Dan would swear later he heard her muttering, “Why did I have to get the Don Juan wannabe? I must have really pissed off…”

Dan vaulted over the chair to catch her but she was gone. Puzzled, he looked around and searched the other aisles. Scratching his head, he sighed. His watch told him it was safe to head home and not run into Mart and his questions.

With a heavy sigh he picked up his jacket and headed home. As the cold night air hit him, he stopped. How the hell did she know my name?

The End

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Author Notes
- A huge thank you to Robin, my editor. Any mistakes are mine! - This was written for the Jix 2006 St. Valentine’s Day CWP. Elements are: A Valentine from a crush, Dan’s card
A kid's Valentine craft project, Bobby’s to Honey
>The St. Valentine's Day Massacre, (girl in library reading)
The book: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by Dr John Gray, Ph.D. Mart read it
Candy box deceptively full of something really healthy, Honey’s carrots
Someone who feels like a third, fifth, or seventh wheel, Dan
A naughty picture, the magazine in the break room of the hospital that Brian found Finding a sweet memento from someone's past,Trixie’s bracelet from Jim
The balcony of the Cameo, Dan trying to lure library girl there
Annoying, overplayed jewelry commercials, Dan watching them
Carryover item from previous CWP, scrapbooks

- I had to work vomit in. Just had to!
- Word Count 2,209

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